canoeing
Inspiration, Introspection

A little self doubt can go a long way

Get the winds of Hashgacha Pratis into your sails” – my teacher quoted many times in our classes. The big questions: Am I meant to do this? Or should I try something different? Should I be a psychologist, interior decorator, web designer, marketer, or blogger? I’ve asked myself these questions many times. How do I know if this is something I’m meant to do? If I’m not great at it now, do I need to work harder or change direction? How do we know?

There is an idea in the Torah that your weaknesses can become your strengths. Some flaws such as being disorganized or impatient can, with hard work, become strengths. But, what about things like career choices or personal life decisions?

There was a time in my life when I thought that changing careers and becoming a psychologist instead of a web designer would be more fulfilling. My mentors and friends encouraged me to go with it. I took my prerequisites. I did the school research. I took the GRE. I sent in the application. During this time, I started dating my husband and got engaged soon after. Life became busy and my plans for a career change got put on hold. And then it got busier and busier… Today, I’m happily working as a web designer and will continue for the time being. Check out my web portfolio.

This blog was originally an idea that my friend and I came up with together while studying in Neve Yerushalayim. She thought of the awesome name, and she was going to be producing majority of the content. Life got busy and currently she’s not able to be involved. Producing content and writing is not my strength, but I want to still try and see where I can go with it. I believe that the idea behind it is great. I also believe that there is a need for people to hear an honest voice about frum life. Frum life can be normal, creative, exciting, and very fulfilling. Should I be writing for this blog? Should I spend my time doing other things instead? Should I work harder to be a better writer and generate better content?

Frumtastic has received a lot of positive feedback thus far. Is that a message that I should keep going? I know that all beginnings are hard. Sitting down, tuning into my creative side and putting my thoughts down on paper can be a challenge. But once I start, the juices start flowing and a beautiful piece is created. That feeling of being fulfilled and knowing that I am able to overcome something that was difficult, can feel better then anything else. Of course, receiving positive feedback for my hard work makes it that much better. But, in the meantime I will keep trying, tuning into my inner creative self and listening to the feedback in hopes that this becomes what it was meant to be.

When I asked my teacher how to know if I am on the right track, he answered, “tune in and make note whether you are experiencing small successes along the way.” Thank you for reading and encouraging me to continue! Experiencing small victories and feeling fulfilled by what I’m doing are just small parts of the answer and the Hashgacha Pratis to our big questions.

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9 Comments

  • Reply Debbie Sassen January 6, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    Thank you Marianna for continuing to write and for sharing your thoughts and insights with us. May you be blessed with continued creativity, success and Hashgacha Pratis.

  • Reply Rena Reiser January 6, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    Marianna, this is so inspiring! I love this part: ‘When I asked my teacher how to know if I am on the right track, he answered, “tune in and make note whether you are experiencing small successes along the way.”’ Exactly what I needed to hear right now!

    P.S. I also love the new blog look!

  • Reply Rachel R. January 6, 2016 at 10:02 pm

    Love the look and feel of your blog. Wonderful message, please keep sharing and writing <3

  • Reply Sami January 12, 2016 at 4:05 am

    Love it! Thank you so much for sharing, Marianna! love your genuine, heartfelt, and smooth writing style….I also love the “small successes” quote..very profound and so true! BH 🙂
    P.S. I love NEVE!!
    <3, Sami

  • Reply Rivka A February 3, 2016 at 2:08 am

    I love the message in this article!! So powerful and SOOO true!! especially as young moms 😉 keep it up!

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